An Ayurvedic Twist for Valentine’s Day

For those who'd rather opt out of the "Hallmark holiday"

Opting out of the “Hallmark” holiday?

If you partake in Valentine’s Day less because you feel it’s a special occasion and more because you feel the pressure to do so, you might like to know that you’re in the majority. In fact, according, to a 2021 study on YouGovAmerica, 57% of the population feels the same as you do. And even though spending was down somewhat due to the pandemic, consumers still pumped in $27.9 billion dollars in 2021 for a holiday with just 52% of the population participating!

For many, there seems to be an “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” philosophy when it comes to the “Hallmark” holiday. This means we’re still buying the flowers, candy, and cards, but without much real sentiment behind it. And then, feeling the sting when it doesn't meet expectations.

Rather than grinning and bearing it, you can make this Valentine’s Day one in which you reject the commercialized, superficial messages, and instead celebrate the sentiment at the core of the holiday: loving and honoring the one you’re with. (By the way, these tips can work for singles, too, as Ayurveda recognizes the truth that true love starts with self-love.)

An Ayurvedic orientation

In order to give this upcoming Valentine’s Day an Ayurvedic twist, you first have to orient to its core principle; namely, that all things of the universe are comprised of various combinations of the Five Great Elements (Pancha Mahabhutas). Our bodies are also made up of the five elements which give us our unique “elemental” constitution. While we all contain every element, they are present in different amounts in each of us. Your unique composition is your constitution (or your dosha in Ayurvedic language), and it is the starting point of the self-knowledge and individualized healing that characterizes Ayurvedic practice.

The five great elements are: Earth, Water, Fire, Air, and Ether. Each of these elements can be understood literally; as in, the literal earth, water, fire, air, and ether of our world. But they’re not called the “Great” elements for nothing! Each element takes on even more power and meaning (and practical application) when we understand them as metaphors and as a collection of qualities that we all embody.

What better way to honor the one you love than by honoring each of the elements within them? How much more beautiful can it be than to say “I love you” by showing them that you “See them completely”—from the Earth to the Ether.

Here is a description of each of the elements, along with some of the literal and metaphorical ways they reveal themselves within us. Below each description are a few ideas of how you can honor this element in your partner this Valentine’s Day (or any day!). The rest is up to you as your imagination takes it from there.

How to honor the elements in ourselves or another

The Earth element in us

Our bones, skin, and hair. The ground of our being. The Earth element keeps us grounded, stable, seen, supported, and needs to be nourished from the “roots” up. From a chakra perspective, the earth element coordinates with the root chakra.

How to honor the Earth

Honoring the physical body can be done in many ways (both with and without clothes on!). You could get dressed up for the evening (even if you don’t go out), or go the other way, and lounge together in soft robes. Perhaps a shoulder massage is in order, and go all in and choose to give each other an Abhyanga massage (use sesame oil; it is warming, grounding, and nurturing—perfect for this time of year!)

Also coming into play under the Earth category is food. Cooking together, eating meals that delight the tongue and satisfy the belly is a great way to celebrate the yumminess of the human body. Earth is also about scent, so those roses you bought will still come in handy!

The Water element in us

Up to 60% of the human body is water and other fluids. The Water element symbolizes are ability to “go with the flow,” to offer safe passage, and puts us in touch with our emotional body. The Water gives us our flexibility, mobility, and ability to transform and change. The Water element connects with our sacral chakra.

How to honor the Water

Water, wine—all the same, right? But more than a great bottle of wine to share with your meal is to focus on movement. Honor the way your bodies move and flow by taking a yoga class together, or slow dancing in the living room. The Water element is also about feeling connecting with the human emotions in the one you love.

Perhaps watch a favorite romantic or nostalgic movie together, read or share poetry, listen to powerful music, or find anything that really moves you, and keeps you dancing the steps of your unique relationship. Water is also about taste, so you can still put the chocolates you bought to good use as you enjoy them together.

The Fire element in us

We are all on fire, at around 98.6 degrees to be exact! The Fire element drives the body’s metabolic, digestive, and regulation processes. Where Water was about feeling, Fire is about processing—be it emotions, thoughts, ideas, or problems. It represents the passion and enthusiasm for the things we love, and relates to the Solar Plexus chakra.

How to honor the Fire

How to celebrate each other’s Fire, you wonder? Exercising together is a natural way to do this! Getting a good sweat on together is a great way to remember the power of being a human being. Give each other a couple of challenges, or, try each other’s hobbies on for size! Explore what the other person is passionate about, and you are honoring their fire. Fire is related to the sense of sight, so surround yourself and your loved one with things that are pleasurable to the eye.

If you’re not up for physical challenges, you can also stimulate your minds together with a strategy game, or simply turning off all the phones and televisions and talking to each other about your passions for the future.

The Air element in us

Air is the oxygen we breathe. 65% of our bodies are made up of air. Our bodies use the oxygen stored in our cells for energy. Metaphorically, air represents our thinking minds, and our ideas and dreams for the future. Air is connected to the Heart chakra.

How to honor the Air

Creativity is the name of the game when it comes to honoring the Air element. Write a silly song together, or play an old game with new rules. Perfection is not the key, simply dropping into the experience of creation. Air is also about spontaneity and moments of inspiration, so perhaps take a drive and see what strikes your fancy to explore along the way! Enjoy the play that Air inspires. Air is about touch, and while this can mean physical touch, it can also mean touching each other’s hearts. Maybe that card you bought will be perfect after all!

The Ether element in us

Ether is space. It is the container for all of the other elements, as well as the origin of them all. Our bodies are 99.9999999% of our bodies are space, so we ought to honor this element, even though it’s invisible! This element is about mystery and possibility. It represents the idea that all new things are birthed from nothing. Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. Ether is related to the Throat chakra.

How to honor the Ether

Like love itself, ether is invisible. And yet, that doesn’t make it any less real. To honor the ether within your partner, and perhaps within your relationship, consider the possibilities. Imagine what might yet be birthed through each of you individually and together. Take some time to truly appreciate that life is ever-changing, as are our bodies and our lives. Ether is related to the sense of sound, so here is where some wonderful music can come into play.

This year, rather than taking cues from Hallmark, create a Valentine’s Day that really means something and makes your partner feel seen and loved. Honor the elements within their body from the Earth to the Ether and enrich your connection. The flowers, candy, and card are now optional.